I came to this country, Italy, as a study abroad student. As an ex-pat living abroad, I knew that I would need to make friends fast. So, even before I landed, I joined like-minded groups on meetup and considered joining the gym or volunteering to make friends. Cultural assimilation anywhere can be fast or slow. It just comes down to your attitude towards the process. I quickly made three friends with other English ex-pats, like myself. I started classes at my university immediately. So, I made another three new American friends that I enjoyed spending time with. My children, two of whom are young adults and one who is an eleven-year old, all home schooled - which is legal in Italy.
I didn't come with preconceived ideas or very high hopes. I came with a mission: to study business in Milan and make business contacts. I did accomplish that. I met people in the industries I'm interested in: marketing and finance. I even made a few friends in businesses I don't know that I that I need connections in but I enjoyed the company of those people. They were from Bulgaria, Sweden and one was from Italy... only one Italian friend. This Italian friend was different from the others - mainly because he had previously lived in the US and could respect American boundaries. That means we could have a friendship based on mutual respect, despite cultural differences. He was still pushy mind you, but he knew that he should back off on his pushiness with me, out of respect for my culture.
Let me expand on the concept of having an Italian friend - from the American perspective. From the American viewpoint, Italians are nosey, pushy and invasive in both their mannerisms and their questions. This is cultural - not personal. They all do it... I have not seen or met one Italian who was the exception. Complete strangers will put their hands all over you. No one is trying to attack you personally but they act this way, because (as it has been explained to me by them) they want to get to know you better and this is how they go about getting to know you better. Ahem...
...Personally, I hate this. I don't mind being friendly and I am... but to a point. I don't need to explain to you why, after the age of 25, I am back in school as an older student. I don't need to explain to you why, after raising two children to adulthood, I trust them with my youngest child while I am in class and no, I don't feel guilty that I am going to school while my 11 year old is at home. No, it's not unfair that her older siblings care for her while I study. I don't need to justify why I home school... for them to get a better education that they otherwise would not have... duh?!
I don't have to explain myself in America when it comes to these things and I damn-well am not going to do it in Italy either. So, when Italians start crossing the line that way with me, I just say I have an appointment and I have to go. That's the end of that. That Italians find what we do in the US strange is normal. We are culturally different. So, of course, we will find strange some of the things they do (like constantly touching you and pushing you - yes, actual pushing without apology or questioning you on what you consider normal lifestyle choices). So, of course, I find it normal that they would think some of our ways strange, too (as they think it's very odd if an American is to eat and walk at the same time). BUT! That they question me on it and ask me to defend my position is not normal. That's just rude. I've travelled in enough countries to know that most people know when to keep their trap shut, even if they don't totally agree with your ways. I certainly am not stopping to question them on why the heck they are physically pushing everyone around.
I've lived many places in the world, some abroad but most throughout the US. I can say, while Italy is beautiful and I absolutely love the art and quality of food (some of the other reasons I was attracted to being here), I never fell in love with her people. When I lived in the Philippines, I can honestly say I fell in love with the people of the countryside of the Philippines... Their cultural values really wrap you up in an armful of sincere care. But I don't get that interfering, nosey vibe in Italy. Sad, but true, I am looking forward to leaving.
I've seen the professors at my study abroad program question the American students on why they haven't made Italian friends. We are too polite culturally to say to the professors' faces that their people are just too rude to consider being good friends with - even if we are polite enough to be friendly to them. So, the American students spend time with other Americans or ex-pats from similar cultures to ours - like Great Britain. We spend at least half of our weekends and free time in other countries. I've seen enough of Italy. I'll be spending my spring break in Croatia. Everyone I asked is leaving, too.. some to Barcelona, some to Germany or even Morocco. But no one I know is interested in lying on the beaches of Italy.
Would I recommend study abroad for another non-traditional student? Absolutely! Would I recommend they study in Italy? That, my friend, is a big no. Do visit Italy. There is so much to offer historically, artistically, from a cuisine viewpoint. As a tourist, you will find many English speakers and be isolated from the truth that is discovered in residency here... But live here as an American ex-pat? Uh, not so much.
- Li Galo (mom to three fabulous and fantastic homeschoolers)
** European Union laws require me to give European Union visitors information about cookies used on this blog. In many cases, these laws also require me to obtain consent. Continued reading of this blog means you give your consent. Google's use of certain Blogger and Google cookies, including use of Google Analytics and AdSense cookies are mandatory by Italian law. **
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| Making friends in Italy wasn't hard. It just wasn't with Italians. (L. Galo) |
Let me expand on the concept of having an Italian friend - from the American perspective. From the American viewpoint, Italians are nosey, pushy and invasive in both their mannerisms and their questions. This is cultural - not personal. They all do it... I have not seen or met one Italian who was the exception. Complete strangers will put their hands all over you. No one is trying to attack you personally but they act this way, because (as it has been explained to me by them) they want to get to know you better and this is how they go about getting to know you better. Ahem...
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...Personally, I hate this. I don't mind being friendly and I am... but to a point. I don't need to explain to you why, after the age of 25, I am back in school as an older student. I don't need to explain to you why, after raising two children to adulthood, I trust them with my youngest child while I am in class and no, I don't feel guilty that I am going to school while my 11 year old is at home. No, it's not unfair that her older siblings care for her while I study. I don't need to justify why I home school... for them to get a better education that they otherwise would not have... duh?!
I don't have to explain myself in America when it comes to these things and I damn-well am not going to do it in Italy either. So, when Italians start crossing the line that way with me, I just say I have an appointment and I have to go. That's the end of that. That Italians find what we do in the US strange is normal. We are culturally different. So, of course, we will find strange some of the things they do (like constantly touching you and pushing you - yes, actual pushing without apology or questioning you on what you consider normal lifestyle choices). So, of course, I find it normal that they would think some of our ways strange, too (as they think it's very odd if an American is to eat and walk at the same time). BUT! That they question me on it and ask me to defend my position is not normal. That's just rude. I've travelled in enough countries to know that most people know when to keep their trap shut, even if they don't totally agree with your ways. I certainly am not stopping to question them on why the heck they are physically pushing everyone around.
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| Italians, by and large, are not smilers. They find it strange that Americans smile so much. (Photo credit) |
I've lived many places in the world, some abroad but most throughout the US. I can say, while Italy is beautiful and I absolutely love the art and quality of food (some of the other reasons I was attracted to being here), I never fell in love with her people. When I lived in the Philippines, I can honestly say I fell in love with the people of the countryside of the Philippines... Their cultural values really wrap you up in an armful of sincere care. But I don't get that interfering, nosey vibe in Italy. Sad, but true, I am looking forward to leaving.
I've seen the professors at my study abroad program question the American students on why they haven't made Italian friends. We are too polite culturally to say to the professors' faces that their people are just too rude to consider being good friends with - even if we are polite enough to be friendly to them. So, the American students spend time with other Americans or ex-pats from similar cultures to ours - like Great Britain. We spend at least half of our weekends and free time in other countries. I've seen enough of Italy. I'll be spending my spring break in Croatia. Everyone I asked is leaving, too.. some to Barcelona, some to Germany or even Morocco. But no one I know is interested in lying on the beaches of Italy.
Would I recommend study abroad for another non-traditional student? Absolutely! Would I recommend they study in Italy? That, my friend, is a big no. Do visit Italy. There is so much to offer historically, artistically, from a cuisine viewpoint. As a tourist, you will find many English speakers and be isolated from the truth that is discovered in residency here... But live here as an American ex-pat? Uh, not so much.
- Li Galo (mom to three fabulous and fantastic homeschoolers)
** European Union laws require me to give European Union visitors information about cookies used on this blog. In many cases, these laws also require me to obtain consent. Continued reading of this blog means you give your consent. Google's use of certain Blogger and Google cookies, including use of Google Analytics and AdSense cookies are mandatory by Italian law. **
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